Here goes nothing.
Recently, I've found myself wanting to talk about my Dad, openly & honestly.. I need to release all this emotion inside, and I am ready to share with the world the story of "MY DAD," of how great of a man he was, even greater Father! I'm getting choked up & in tears as I write this, it's very difficult. I'm sorry in advanced if my thoughts are scattered but I need to do this, for my Dad. <3
On March 2nd, 2012, the world lost a very good man. My Dad, Vicente Atalig. I got the call on March 1st, by my brother & sister. We live in the states, so we're a day behind. I've missed the first couple of calls, so I called them back. It seemed urgent, as I saw various missed calls from both my brother & sister, the same times, multiple calls. I was worried. So I called, my sister answers the phone, she didn't beat around the bush... "Dad died." I couldn't hear anything more after that, I was shocked, confused, angry, hurt, sad.. That was my number one fear in the world, and it happened. Reality sunk in, and I was hysterical!! I kept telling her, "NO WAY, NO WAY!! Please tell me this is a joke." It was no joke. We both broke down in tears & sobbing hysterically like banshees. My whole world fell apart. I'm so grateful my husband held me tight in his arms, I can't even remember a word he said.. all I wanted to do was cry in his arms... and hope that I'd be able to wake up tomorrow, and all this would have been just a bad dream. It was not. It was all too much for me, I thought I've felt heartbreak before in my life, no... this is the worst heartbreak anyone could ever possibly feel, to lose one of your parents.. to lose someone so dear to your heart.. the man that gave me life, who taught me right from wrong, who taught me the value of being a good person, and hard work.. Gone. So suddenly.
So that same night my husband & I packed our bags, and were on the next flight out. First day back home, we attended my Dad's rosary at the church. All I could remember is that I couldn't stop crying when I heard the Techa' & the choir sing the Chamorro church songs and there was a small display table at the front of the church, two lit candles and a framed photo of my Dad. It made it all too real. My eyes filled with tears, and they kept rolling out one after another. Every note of those Chamorro church songs made my heart sink deeper & deeper into my chest.. it was too real, I kept telling myself if only I could just hear my Dad's voice, or laugh.. just ONE LAST TIME, instead of hearing all these Chamorro rosary songs which filled that church. When we got to visit my parent's house, all I could do was sit at our dining table.. thinking that it's all not real, my Dad will just walk through that door like he normally does.. with his big smile, and laugh. He didn't. My heart sank more, and more the longer I sat there and waited.. nothing. :(
I sat there, with my thoughts, with my happy childhood memories of my Dad. MY DAD WAS/IS THE BEST FATHER ANY CHILD COULD HAVE!!! I have nothing but happy, fond memories as a child. My Dad loved to farm, fish, and play cards! Growing up he would always take us to our farm, we had a big family fruit farm, tourists would come by, and my Dad would show them around and at the end of their visit, he would help prepare various fruits on a big green banana leaf for them to try out, fresh from our farm too. He would always save us a lot, my siblings & I were spoiled with fresh pineapples, star apple, papaya, coconuts.. just to name a few. My favorite was the fresh coconut juice, my Dad would use the machete' and cut out the side to make a spoon for us to use to scoop out the coconut meat. That was my favorite! :)
My Dad would also take us fishing at the docks, I remember we never had much money growing up, but my Dad was so creative, he couldn't buy us those fancy rod and wheel fishing poles, so he made us some out of bamboo. I remember my first catch, I was so excited it was moving and squirming around as I held the fishing line proudly to show my Dad!!! "Neni, that's a stone fish" he said, "we can't eat that, 'cause it's poisonous.." he took it off the string and threw it back into the water.
Another of my fondest memories, was of my Dad bringing home goodies after a business trip! He would travel a lot, and one of the places he went most often was to Japan. My siblings and I were always excited when Dad got home from a trip!! We would crowd by the door, he would be smothered in hugs then we'd give him that look like "So now where's the goodies??" haha! He would always bring us back little Japanese toys or Japanese candies & mochi rice cakes. I think that's how come I've grown to love "Asian" things and trinkets as an adult. :)
It's the simple things in life like that, that I remember now as a grown woman. Looking back at it now, it was the most special and important times of my life. My Dad was always a simple man, he lived his life modestly, putting my Mom and his children first. It was my Dad who taught me the value of hard work, and being a person of integrity. He sacrificed a lot to give us, his children a better life. He was a very wise man, someone I could always go to to seek good advice. The last advice he ever gave me was at my wedding last year in July, he stood up in front of everyone, thanked them all for coming, and shared some funny (and embarrassing stories), but also ended his speech with a few good words, he gave us all advice on LOVE.
My Dad's last advice to us was, "It's easy to love each other when times are good, it's when times get tough, is when your love needs to be the strongest."
It was a very bitter sweet moment to get to see my family back home again. Looking back at how hard life is back home, puts everything more into perspective in my life. Family has always been important, but losing my Dad makes me realize that tomorrow is not promised, and that we need to stay connected & communicate often with our loved ones near, and especially far away.. make time for them, because time is a precious thing.
To conclude this, my Dad was an amazing Father. He always sacrificed himself to put others first. What I've learned looking back at everything now, is that although we never had a lot of materialistic things, we had everything we needed to be happy. We had so much love & laughter, and a positive attitude to make the best out of anything we had. That is what matters the most.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD.. We love you, hope there's internet in Heaven.
Love always, Your Daughter (Pauline)
Father's Day is a doozy for me, too. I lost my dad unexpectedly and I've been left with so many questions that will never be answered. I would give anything to hear his laugh again, too.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you're not alone in what you're feeling. Lean on those who comfort you. Let them be your strength. And know that your dad is never far away as long as you keep those fond memories and all that he taught you close to your heart.
Stay strong, P! I'm always here if you ever need anything. ♥